Didn't write daily, how long has it been? I don't even know!
So, here's a cool contest. Every woman - okay - person, with a kitchen needs one
of these!
http://savingdinner.com/contest/
I want to win this for my friend! I hope this link works!
I am getting ready to send my oldest son off to Venezuela for 30 days. The funny part is, I am not at all worried about him in Venezuela. It is at the airport and flying there. Silly. I know.
God has it and him all under control.
Can I whine? It is REALLY hard living with my mom and her husband! I have never felt more uncomfortable! Walking on eggshells ALL the time! I need to take time to write daily. It will be therapy!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
fascinated by blogs
I promised myself that I would write something daily. I used to write poetry ALL the time. I haven't for years. It is like a dead part of my brain for now. I do wish it would revive.
I am just fascinated by blogs. Stunned by the ability of so many to write well. I am not there yet I don't think.
I could get lost for hours, days, just reading blogs. What is so intriguing about reading of someone
else and their life.
Sometimes I am very encouraged, sometimes I am (-honest -) jealous, sometimes I am grateful, more than normal, for my life. I have this desire to write my life, all of it, and write it well. I want to share all of the seemingly random thoughts that run through my head all day. Sometimes they are amazing, most of the time, they are insignificant. I am learning though that significant things are made up of a bazillion INsignificant things. Occasionally, there are those deep, profound thoughts that amaze myself!
Some kind of great revelation from God, or understanding. Most of the time, I forget them too soon to write them down. Hopefully it took root deep in my spirit, and it will resurface again.
No one that I know of is aware that I have this blog - and, I think I am not going to tell anyone.
I am just fascinated by blogs. Stunned by the ability of so many to write well. I am not there yet I don't think.
I could get lost for hours, days, just reading blogs. What is so intriguing about reading of someone
else and their life.
Sometimes I am very encouraged, sometimes I am (-honest -) jealous, sometimes I am grateful, more than normal, for my life. I have this desire to write my life, all of it, and write it well. I want to share all of the seemingly random thoughts that run through my head all day. Sometimes they are amazing, most of the time, they are insignificant. I am learning though that significant things are made up of a bazillion INsignificant things. Occasionally, there are those deep, profound thoughts that amaze myself!
Some kind of great revelation from God, or understanding. Most of the time, I forget them too soon to write them down. Hopefully it took root deep in my spirit, and it will resurface again.
No one that I know of is aware that I have this blog - and, I think I am not going to tell anyone.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Too Much But Not Enough...
This is really my first post on a blog - bear with my ramblings - but, I guess that is what a blog is all about....
My lie.....
I am a liability and a burden. That is my lie.
I fight it every single day.
I know it is a lie. Especially now, at 36. (VERY close to 37 - I really feel the nudge towards 40)
Satan loves to get that lie in my head.
I know the TRUTH.
I am an asset and a blessing.
I am chosen by God.
Created in His image, for a purpose only I can fulfill.
Here is my dilemma.
For the last several years - I won't say how many, we have been moving.
And moving. And moving. And moving. Several of those moves were in with other people because
we have screwed up sometimes, and others, well, we just got dealt a bummer hand.
I don't know anymore which ones are which. And now, once again, I am living with my family.
I don't want to be here.
I don't understand this journey that I am on. What I know in my head is that God has a plan.
Society says that I should take care of myself.
God says that He will provide for all of my needs.
Society says that I am a strong willed woman.
God says to be a woman of strength.
Society says I should - what does it matter? I choose to believe what God says.
Except for my lie.
When my life continues to cycle in the same direction - over and over -
how do I change how I feel?
I can't. That is where the huge, unfathomable, Grace Of God comes in.
Everything is by His Grace. Everything.
If I am following Him, Jesus, with my whole heart, then I have to trust that His will is good and perfect for my life.
Right now, I feel as though we , my family and I, are in this really weird holding pattern. In a preparation season, for what, I have no idea.
My heart, and the heart of one of my children feels called and pulled to full time missions.
Another child, has no idea of what direction for their life to go.
Another child, heard God's call on their life and has given them a very tender, passionate, heart for worship, and wants to serve God forever in worship, and leading others to the Foot of the Cross - in worship. They have no instrument, no lessons - but HEART.
My man, feels called to serve our country. At what a strange time! I know he already does not
like his future boss - if God leaves us walking down this path.
I am living with this evil foreboding that just around the corner - it is all going to fall apart - again.
We don't have a "plan B". The Army is "the plan" -
How this all relates to my lie that I started with - I have no clue!
Maybe it is the disconnect between the desires of my heart and the reality of my life.
The desires of my heart are so big - only God can make them happen.
Moving from survival to significance has been the cry of my heart for the last 7 years.
It seems we are stuck in survival. I have learned so much, and I think, gained immeasurable wisdom.
I am really realizing that "This world is not my home, I am just a'passin' through"
As I take the time to write more (one of my dreams is to write a book :o) I guess this is a start...
I am sure it will fill in blanks - and give more insight, most hopefully to myself... As I overcome my lie - and disown the dang thing!
My lie.....
I am a liability and a burden. That is my lie.
I fight it every single day.
I know it is a lie. Especially now, at 36. (VERY close to 37 - I really feel the nudge towards 40)
Satan loves to get that lie in my head.
I know the TRUTH.
I am an asset and a blessing.
I am chosen by God.
Created in His image, for a purpose only I can fulfill.
Here is my dilemma.
For the last several years - I won't say how many, we have been moving.
And moving. And moving. And moving. Several of those moves were in with other people because
we have screwed up sometimes, and others, well, we just got dealt a bummer hand.
I don't know anymore which ones are which. And now, once again, I am living with my family.
I don't want to be here.
I don't understand this journey that I am on. What I know in my head is that God has a plan.
Society says that I should take care of myself.
God says that He will provide for all of my needs.
Society says that I am a strong willed woman.
God says to be a woman of strength.
Society says I should - what does it matter? I choose to believe what God says.
Except for my lie.
When my life continues to cycle in the same direction - over and over -
how do I change how I feel?
I can't. That is where the huge, unfathomable, Grace Of God comes in.
Everything is by His Grace. Everything.
If I am following Him, Jesus, with my whole heart, then I have to trust that His will is good and perfect for my life.
Right now, I feel as though we , my family and I, are in this really weird holding pattern. In a preparation season, for what, I have no idea.
My heart, and the heart of one of my children feels called and pulled to full time missions.
Another child, has no idea of what direction for their life to go.
Another child, heard God's call on their life and has given them a very tender, passionate, heart for worship, and wants to serve God forever in worship, and leading others to the Foot of the Cross - in worship. They have no instrument, no lessons - but HEART.
My man, feels called to serve our country. At what a strange time! I know he already does not
like his future boss - if God leaves us walking down this path.
I am living with this evil foreboding that just around the corner - it is all going to fall apart - again.
We don't have a "plan B". The Army is "the plan" -
How this all relates to my lie that I started with - I have no clue!
Maybe it is the disconnect between the desires of my heart and the reality of my life.
The desires of my heart are so big - only God can make them happen.
Moving from survival to significance has been the cry of my heart for the last 7 years.
It seems we are stuck in survival. I have learned so much, and I think, gained immeasurable wisdom.
I am really realizing that "This world is not my home, I am just a'passin' through"
As I take the time to write more (one of my dreams is to write a book :o) I guess this is a start...
I am sure it will fill in blanks - and give more insight, most hopefully to myself... As I overcome my lie - and disown the dang thing!
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